This is a coffee date with myself that is taking place in a small corridor of my brain. Although the corridor is small, it is potent and prickly. This is a corridor in which, I believe, everyone gets distracted by--one that acts as a constant ringing in the ears and, for better words, flat out sucks sometimes. What am I talking about? The future.
What is it about the future and the unknown that distracts us? Why, when we know God has our back, do we fret over things that are totally out of our hands? And what is it, you ask, that I am so worked up about? The waiting process.
Why must we wait? I am no expert, but I believe we wait because other decisions and situations have to take place in order for that thing we are waiting for to occur or not occur. (I'm such a Sartre, right? Very deep, Meg, very deep.) And while I wait, I go about my daily duties with a smile on my face, a genuine smile, reminding myself not to be anxious of anything and to keep marching forward. (Okay, maybe not a genuine smile 100% of the time, but I do try and I am an overall joyful individual.) The thing is, presently, I am a wee bit anxious and I am frustrated with waiting and I am losing some extra minutes of shut-eye--and this is not what I want for myself.
Let me be more specific. We all have things we are waiting for: true love, results from the doctor, a test grade, or even a nonfat sugar-free vanilla latte. Or, in my case, waiting to find out whether or not I get in to the graduate program I applied to (for a second time). I find out at the end of the month, and I hate to be a pessimist, but I do not know how I will handle if I do not get accepted. Okay, sorry, I am being a pessimist...
But let me take the spotlight out of the corridor of my brain and shine it on you. What are you anxious about? What do you find your mind dancing with all day long? I know that we as a human race are all in this battle--this struggle to live at peace while waiting.
And since we must wait, we shall wait together. Maybe I should brew another pot while we wait...
Until the next coffee date, cheers!
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Dear Meg,
ReplyDeleteYour recent blog hit home for me tonight. Very close to home. For this reason, let me start by saying I'll keep you in my prayers as you wait to hear back from the grad program.
I am facing a similar waiting game...
There are the minor waiting periods: Tomorrow I am attending an Education Job Fair so there is the inevitable sleeplessness from tossing and turning pondering what I say; but I dare not print out additional copies of my resume until tomorrow morning because I am waiting to check the news tomorrow morning to see if the fair will be canceled due to inclement weather.
There are also the "planned" waiting periods. These are the dates and times that are clearly marked in your planner. Each day you open the planner and mark off an item on your to-do list or flip to a new week, you are visually counting down to an event that is pre-determined to be important (because if it wasn't then you would not take the time to write it down on the page). One such example: I begin a long-term substitute teaching position in one week. I will be teaching Hamlet to seniors at the same high school I interned at last semester.
Then there are the long-term waiting periods. These are those general life transitions that are looming in that dreaded thing you mentioned, the future. In my case, this is getting hired as a teacher. The big teaching waves are in March and June... so all I can do is wait, and wait, and possibly wait some more.
And finally, there are those waiting-for-life-to-begin transitions. Okay, we all know that life is happening around us and I realize it is up to me to live each moment no matter how insignificant it seems. But I think this is where the pessimist comes out in me, too. These are the things we wait for, and they usually comes with conditions... such as, I can move out of my parent's house when I get a job... or that trap many single girls fall into of I will be happy when Mr. Right comes along. These are the most dangerous waiting periods. I worry I am in a waiting-for-my-life-to-begin game right now with myself... my fear is simply that I get the job and realize that I pursued the wrong career and missed my life's calling. My fear is that somehow after 22 years, I no longer trust myself and the decisions I am making. And this is when I just shake my head and tell myself, "girl, you just gotta have faith."
Thanks for inviting your readers to share in the conversation with you, Meg. Nothing can compare to getting to see you in person. But this blog does make it feel as if you are closer in distance, and definitely closer in spirit. I hope tonight finds you feeling confident and sleeping rather than tossing and turning.
Looking forward to the next coffee date with Meg! Love.
Thank you for sharing your heart, Laura. You are indeed a beautiful woman inside and out. Your honesty is much appreciated as it is a raw confession in which many others are able to relate. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteSince we must wait, we encourage each other. We uplift each other and continue to chase our passions--and sometimes our passions can change, and so we chase those. I wish I could give you a huge hug and buy you a latte myself right now.
I am thrilled to be able to connect via this blog to those who live far away and are dear to my heart. I know you have a "big, fat heart" and that you will do many great things in your life because of your passion (You already have affected so many who are your friends).
And while we wait for our answers, we enjoy the day and its blessings and we wait together (just like we will be waiting for a new blog post until I have another coffee date!)
Keep in touch! Cheers! (and love!)
Meg
gosh this post is so exactly my life right now miss megan! i am waiting for so many things, to graduate, to know where i will get a job, where john and i are going to live, to even be in the same place as my future husband, to get married!, well you get the idea. and wanting to know what lies ahead can be so stressful that i have to remind myself to be patient and trust that everything will work out. glad i am not the only one that feels this way sometimes though. i hope grad school turns out in your favor, you are in my thoughts! love you dear. :)
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